I thought I cracked 'Married at First Sight' - and then Noy ruined everything for me | Adi Koren
I thought Noy would finally choose herself, I knew Ari and Noa would continue despite all the question marks, Niv and Asaf gave me exactly the ending I hoped for - and then Aviya and Neta managed to do the impossible and make even me emotional.
In the previous column, I was full of myself. I was sure I had cracked the decisions, and I even dedicated an entire speech to Noy about how proud I am of her for choosing herself. I called her 'our sister', cheered for her, wished her to find someone who would truly see her. In short, I closed the event. I should have waited one more episode.
So, for the last time this season, let's play: what I thought would happen - and what I got.
Noy and Aviatar: I thought Noy would say 'no' - and I got 'yes' and nerves
Aviatar says there is a whole world built between them, but there is no spark. The retreat, for him, is a place where they 'dig into the soul', but even after we dug, drilled, and almost reached the center of the Earth - it's not there. Apparently, even Spain is not enough to bridge the gap between them.
Noy feels that Aviatar does not see them as a couple within this experience, and I am not sure he ever truly saw them as a couple. She went on a couples' retreat and felt completely alone. They say that being with someone and feeling alone is worse than being truly alone, and this couple finally gave me a quite accurate illustration of this sentence.
And then Gilad the psychologist asks Noy what part of herself she is most afraid to bring into the relationship, and she answers: the one that gives up on herself. At this stage, I was already waving pom-poms at home. Yes, Noy! Here! You understood! You yourself say that this is a pattern that repeats for you, so maybe it's time to change the way to get a different result. You talk about the child you want to have one day? Show her that her mother is a pro, and that her mother knows how to put herself first.
And then Noy said yes.
Noooooooo. Noy, what did you do? Why? In the previous column, I already cheered for you, called you our sister, I was proud of you. You made me a liar in front of the readers of Maariv.
All season you say that something is missing, that you feel alone and that you are afraid to give up on yourself, and then at the moment when you need to be true to yourself, you choose to continue? Unlike Tomer, I actually believe you that you really want to try. But Aviatar himself tells you that this is the most 'him' he has ever been in a relationship. Noy, for heaven's sake, what are you missing? The guy is notifying you that this is the premium version. There is no software update on the way.
And you even thanked the psychologists. Sister, if they had done their real work for a moment and not just asked 'what does this evoke in you?', maybe someone would have raised a flag and said: 'Noy, you are staying again in a place where you feel alone'. Wanted to be true to yourself? In my opinion, you did exactly the opposite. You deserve more. I hope that someday you will understand that too.
Ari and Noa: I thought 'yes and yes' - and I got 'yes and yes'
The most unclear couple of the season. I bet that both would say yes, mainly because both are a bit masochistic and do not always excel at being true to themselves. They are very present in each other's lives, but presence is not necessarily a positive thing. Back pain is also very present in people's lives, and no one marries it.
It is clear that there is love there. There is friendship, there is partnership, and there is a connection born out of an intense process that both truly committed to. But romantic love? I doubt it. A good relationship should also give you a little peace. In your case, I need a vacation after every episode.
And then Noa tells Ari that the moments when he feels closest to her are when she is vulnerable, but when she is 'really really her', it is less pleasant for him with her and that is where she feels alone. Noa, if after such a sentence you say yes, I hang up my womanhood uniform at the entrance and announce that I tried. She also tells Gilad that for most of the journey she did not feel she had a place to bring herself. What else is needed? A neon sign from the sky with the inscription 'Maybe this is not it?'
But I got yes and yes. So go out together into the real life, live, experience, try - and break up later. It is clear to me that there is something real between you, it's just not certain that this something should be a relationship. Noa, in what you wrote you managed to truly move me. And now let's move on, it's a waste of time for all of us.
Niv and Asaf: I thought 'yes and yes' - and I got 'yes and yes'
And here, unlike the previous couple, I was really happy to get exactly what I thought. Niv and Asaf do not arrive at the end when everything is perfect, sparkling, and full of butterflies, and that is exactly why I buy them. They are sweet, honest, afraid, and mostly feel like a real couple. One that does not start with an explosion but is built slowly.
There is a real desire there, and unlike some of the other couples - there is also potential. Asaf wrote to Niv exactly who she is, and it was clear that he really learned her along the way. Another detail, another layer, another little thing he noticed. Sometimes it is much more romantic than any explosive speech about fate.
How fun that you said yes. I don't know what is happening with you today, maybe you have already broken up and I am again preparing an apology for the next column, but I wish you are together. In my opinion, you are the couple that gives a lot of hope to the singles sitting at home. Not every love starts with fireworks. Sometimes on the first date there are no butterflies, on the second date you still don't hear violins, but there is a person worth staying to get to know.
Aviya and Neta: I thought 'yes and yes' - and I got 'yes and yes'
When Neta was not next to him, Aviya had a hard day. Suddenly she receives longing messages from him that she is not used to receiving at all. She wants to feel that he is in the relationship at 200%, and when she doesn't get that she starts wondering if she is being true enough to herself. Neta, he is there. He just doesn't broadcast at 200%, he broadcasts at 'Aviya'. The frequency is a bit weak, but the reception exists.
And there is something in them that just fits. Two people who come from a similar world of values, know commitment, giving, and service, without too much pose. The salt of the earth met the salt of the earth, and miraculously something sweet came out of it and not high blood pressure.
And then Aviya pulls out a flight ticket to Greece to celebrate Rosh Hashanah together. Aviya, you champion. Finally someone who doesn't say 'I feel that I want to continue exploring what is between us', but buys a f***ing flight ticket. An act. Concrete. With a destination and departure time. Amen that all Israeli men will learn something.
I wish you an amazing year and many more years of love, closeness, and laughter. Even I was moved, and it seems to me that after a whole season you already understood that I am not exactly one who melts easily. If you managed to melt me, you probably really did something right.
And so ended another season of 'Married at First Sight'. There were couples I wanted to hug, ones I wanted to shake, and ones I just wanted to disconnect their microphone before another 'where are our relations going' talk. We learned that you can take people to Spain, sit them in front of psychologists, give them masks, bonfires, and wedding albums and ask them until they lose consciousness what it evokes in them - but you cannot do couples therapy for chemistry.
And yet, Niv and Asaf and Aviya and Neta left me with a little optimism. Maybe good love does not always come with drama, anxiety, and butterflies in the stomach. Sometimes it is just built slowly, with someone who sees you, learns you, and chooses you.
And if he also buys a ticket to Greece - you won big time.
